Language learning in Belgium: where to start

Are you an expat in Belgium? Wondering what your options are for learning French or Dutch?

Wonder no more - my piece in the Bulletin is here.

Nivelles swimming pool: a survival guide for the hapless Brit

Lest you suspect I am going to whine, let me be upfront from the start: Nivelles swimming pool is perfectly decent, more than decent in fact, especially when you consider that the population of the town is half that of Lowestoft (where I spent my teenage years), and the pool there is definitely not Olympic-sized.

The water is warm. The price is very reasonable. The pool is open every day - yes, even Sundays - although, this being Belgium, the hours are somewhat erratic. Also, the setting is idyllic - you walk across the Parc de La Dodaine, round the lake and past the happy children in the playground. (Children are always happy in playgrounds, unless they've just fallen and hurt themselves.)

However, going to the swimming pool in Belgium does present a number of challenges to a Brit, who may have certain expectations - like, perhaps, separate changing rooms for men and women.

So be aware of the following:

- You will be handed a token on your way in (without even having to ask for it!). On the plus side, it doesn't matter if you don't have a 1-euro coin with you. On the other hand, the system means that you can only close and re-open your locker once, so you'd be better off taking your shampoo and towel with you to the poolside.

- You will need a swimming hat. These days they come in a nice soft fabric that doesn't rip half your hair out when you take them off, though if you're nostalgic for that, those hats are for sale in the swimming pool shop.

- Men are obliged (as the Belgians would say) to wear Speedos. This is regrettable, but avert your eyes and all shall be well.

- The changing rooms, as mentioned, are mixed. And really, why wouldn't they be, since there are individual cubicles? I'm sure only the Brits (and possibly the Americans) would object to this. To lock the cubicles, flip the ankle-height bar across the door. (I say this because it was not immediately obvious to me.)

- There are a zillion signs that tell you that you absolutely must not under any circumstances be wearing shoes in the changing-room area. However, I couldn't find any signs whatsoever pointing to which direction to walk in for the lockers, the toilets, or the actual swimming pool. If you are geographically challenged, you will need to ask someone, but luckily, the changing rooms being mixed doubles your chances of finding someone to ask.

- There are swimming lanes, but these serve no practical purpose, since people don't swim up one end and down the other in a civilised British way, and children on swimming lessons bump into you (not least because their instructors call them over to the poolside, right into your trajectory).

- The showers (communal and mixed) are violent and ineffective. Make sure you are not facing the wall when you turn them on, or you run the risk of being blinded. Also, don't expect them to actually wash any of the soap away. They are warm, though, so that's definitely something.

Oh, and one last thing. You may not need a 1-euro coin, but if you bring two with you, you can make use of the coin-operated, pay-on-demand jacuzzi. Genius, or what?

Things I miss, part 1: ready meals, carrot cake and Starbucks

So, I've been here nearly a year already, and there are certain things that inevitably make me think wistfully of home. ("Home" is fairly fluid concept for me, but that's another topic for another day... here I mean England!)

Things like standing in GB (sorry, Carrefour - old habits die hard!) longing for a ready-meal that isn't lasagne or moussaka or pizza with mushrooms on it. Oh for my Pimlico Sainsbury's, with rows and rows of every variation of Indian and Chinese dish at a bargain price. (If I'm going to spend 7 euros on a main course, it probably won't be on a ready meal in the Gare Centrale.)

For any entrepreneurs out there (or just Sainsbury's, if they want to start exporting), that is a definite gap in the market.

Also, while we're on the subject of Sainsbury's, their carrot cake. Any form of English kind of cake, really. I didn't even realise it was English. And yes, I know I could just make it, but if I'm the kind of person with the kind of lifestyle where I miss ready meals, do you think I'm likely to bake?

And, on the subject of cake... and therefore of coffee... (not so tenuous a link as you might imagine...)

Starbucks!!

I know, shame on me. And, to be fair, it's not really Starbucks I miss. If I could have absolute free choice, I would go for Costa. Better coffee, still the comfy chairs, and those white chocolate and raspberry muffins... And less of the American capitalism. Which I mind a lot less these days, and would mind still less if they wanted to invade us with a Starbucks of twelve. It's the ubiquitousness of Starbucks that I miss too. There's always one when you need one, particularly in London, when you are trying to boycott them.

I've found places with relatively comfy chairs (Haagen Dasz near the Grand Place for instance) but what I haven't found is anywhere that serves a decent latté, and/or a coffee that takes more than two sips to drink.

Today, I had two and a half hours to kill and an article on Cadbury (sniff) to write, and all I wanted was a Costa coffee latté.

Anyone know a n y w h e r e I can go with this kind of craving? Other than the airport, I mean, which I am seriously considering paying a visit to, just for a banana nut muffin and a tall latté...