Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Limping to the finishing line...

I have written a novel.

It's finished!

So my question is this: why am I not punching the air?

I am thinking about marathons. I have never run anything close to one, nor do I ever intend to. (I know I once said this about going to America, but Aaron Sorkin is unlikely to write a gritty drama about running. If he does, then I expect I'll be buying a pair of trainers.) So to those of you who have, a question: after you finish, how do you feel?

Do you feel euphoric, or do you drag yourself to the finishing line and then collapse in a heap and beat yourself up for not doing it better, faster?

How about the next morning? Do you ever want to run again?

Because, it's strange, but I feel a little deflated.

What if after the marathon, someone had said, oh, well done, but now you have to climb this big mountain? Would you have been up for the challenge? Because agent hunting feels like that mountain to me.

And, here's the thing: I am a little bit afraid.

Of feedback, because I can't bear the thought that there might be more weeks, more months of work ahead.

Of reading, because I am in love with beautiful prose, and I know that mine does not come close to the standards that I admire and aspire to: I fear that literary fiction will punch me in the gut.

Of writing, because, what if I suddenly get new ideas for this novel, this novel which is supposed to be finished? Or, worse still, what if I get ideas for my second book? Because I just don't think I can face that yet.

But maybe that's okay. Maybe that would be like asking a Marathon runner to do it again the next week.

Marathon runners, any thoughts? How about writers?

1 comment:

Nic said...

So I'm not a marathon runner (an occasional 10k) or a writer. However, you have created something and that's a marvelous thing. All the trepidation you feel about the next part is perfectly understandable. First, allow yourself to enjoy your achievement, all soon you will look at the mountain of getting the book out there and say "right time to climb". So well done on the finishing, have a glass of champagne (or whatever does it for you), give yourself a couple of weeks to savour the miracle of creation (you wrote a novel!!). Then climb that mountain...